Finding Motivation: Finding Clarity While Looking for Motivation

A mentor of mine once said, "People change when it is too painful not tochange." It took me some time tounderstand the depths of this statement. At the time he shared his philosophy with me, I believed people changed or found motivation for change with more ease. You want to change something, you just do it. Boy, was that naive.

Change is often very challenging. Finding motivation to change is just as difficult. Sure, many of us set goals, make resolutions, download accountability apps, etc. But what truly inspires motivation to change? I go back to my mentor's statement. It is when life has taken on a dysfunction that we cannot hide from any longer that we seek change. It is when we can no longer tolerate the way things are that we find the motivation to change something.

I watch this in my practice and in life all the time. People express great sadness, discomfort, frustration with the way things are, but given the opportunity to change their own participation in the situation, they continue with the discomfort. This may seem crazy, but sometimes the comfort of our dysfunction is more soothing than the fear of change. You have probably seen it in your own life: how many times do you hear from friends about the crappy job or frustrations with their partner only to see them return to the pattern over and over again?

Einstein said the definition of crazy was to do the same thing over and over, yet expect different results. But that is exactly what people will do rather than seek motivation to truly change. Why? Simply put, change is hard. It's not steadfast will power or drive or the accountability app that will hold us to attempt change.

What is it then? What will help us find motivation to change? It is clarity of the pain you currently experience. It is recognizing your current dysfunction is so entrenched, so destructive. It is acknowledging that this dysfunction no longer soothes you. Even though change will be painful, it holds the offer of hope and the possibility of happiness. That is when you will find the true motivation to change.