Authenticity: Lessons from The Velveteen Rabbit

Below is a section from The Velveteen Rabbit, a story about a stuffed bunny that wants to become “real.” The arc of the rabbit’s story is in order to be real, it must be truly loved by it’s owner.  I believe the deeper message of this story is that the bunny becomes real because it learns to love and accept itself. The toy bunny goes from being the new, shiny object to being discarded by the boy, not with malice, but because there is another new, shiny toy. The bunny has to learn that in order to be “real” it will age,  go through highs and lows, and become real in that process. This book and this section speaks to me about the journey toward authenticity.

“Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.''Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit.

'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.'

'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?'

‘It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand. Once you are Real you can't become unreal again -- It lasts for always.”

― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

Authenticity is a constant refining. It is an ever changing journey. It is a stripping of outside personas, an exposing of vulnerabilities and an embracing of one’s inner truths. As the above section references, it takes time and the process often isn’t easy. Through the story, the bunny experiences despair and loneliness. He questions his journey, but as  we often see with a hero’s tale, the bunny is guided by many and encouraged to go forward.

The rabbit's journey is similar to the human experience of becoming authentic; we may hit pains during the process. In learning about what is true or real about ourselves, relationships may change, we may feel exposed and lonely, and it may be scary to be vulnerable with ourselves and others. But refer back to the wisdom of the Skin Horse because “once you are Real you can’t become unreal again - it lasts for always.”