Taking Responsibility: Shifting Blame to Empowerment
It is common that when things go wrong we look for someone or something to blame. Perhaps this reaction is because we want to make sense of a situation. Sometimes we blame others because we are protecting ourselves from the embarrassment of owning our contribution to a problem. We blame to “save face” in front of another. Distraction from the true issue is also a reason people use blame.
But as the old saying goes, “when you point one finger out, recognize that three other fingers point at you.” Rarely is there a time when we utilize the “blame game” that there is not a shared responsibility that falls upon the blamer. Those three fingers pointing back at you often show where the resolution and growth can begin.
The blaming process shadows the issue, and is a destructive tool that creates conflict rather than moving toward solution. Blame creates a stuck-ness and allows a problem to fester. In this moored place of blame, people accept a victim stance. Blame is a victim mentality. When we blame, we give the power of both the problem and the solution to an outside source. We give up our ability to creatively resolve and remove ourselves from the problem.
I recently read The Power of TED (The Empowerment Dynamic) by David Emerald. This easy to read book explains how to go from a mindset of drama, blame and victimhood to an outlook of empowerment and creativity. Emerald explores the psychological conflict model of Stephen Karpman’s Drama Triangle and then offers a counter model of change. The drama triangle maps the interaction of three different roles, the victim, the persecutor and the rescuer. This is a common model we see play out in most fairytales as well as the stories we tell ourselves about our own life. A classic example is the damsel in distress (the victim), the evil step-mother (the persecutor) and the charming prince (the rescuer). The main detriment of this model is the lack of capacity the victim has by giving away the power to the persecutor and the co-dependency created with the rescuer.
Emerald’s counter model provides a reframe of the roles with an empowering twist. The victim becomes the creator, the persecutor changes to the challenger and the rescuer is now the coach. The main concept is about changing the way in which we view the situation. For example moving from a victim role to that of a creator is drawing on our internal resources to rise in a situation in which we could feel powerless. There is still an acknowledgement that “shit happens,” but the shift is to move through the experience by utilizing your internal and external resources.
I recommend Emerald’s book to further explore the steps to making this change and have attached a short youtube video of the principal as well as Emerald’s website for the book. These concepts can help guide us away from the reactive place of blaming and toward a more constructive mode of resolution and personal transformation