Community: Character Matters
Growing up my mother would often say on the heels of a challenging situation, “Jenny, this will build your character.” It actually became a bit of a joke between us and by the time I was in my 20’s I would say, “Mom, I’ve got enough character already!” I’ve been reflecting on these lessons of character ever since I watched Van Jones, who is a news commentator, author and lawyer, as he reacted to President-elect Biden’s win on CNN. As he spoke about Trump’s defeat he said, “It's easier to tell your kids that character matters. The truth matters. Being a good person matters.” His words resonated deeply as he highlighted something I had been feeling for four years; our nation had been missing a role model of decorum.
This isn’t a political blog. This is a blog about mental health and I truly believe our role models, starting with our parents and continuing through to our sports stars and political leaders, greatly impact the collective mental health of our nation. When we have leaders or role models who speak with negative, divisive rhetoric, it trickles down and encourages that kind of behavior in others. When negativity and alienating perspectives are the norm, we see more isolation, anger, and hatred, which in turn breeds more depression and anxiety. This is not good for the mental health of our communities or our nation.
Just last week, the FBI released their annual report on hate crimes. From 2016 to 2019 there has been a 19.49% increase in hate crimes. Hate motivated murders are the highest they have been in three decades. When there are endless examples in our mainstream media of our leaders using bigoted language, calling people by derogatory nicknames, and mocking people, is it any wonder that the numbers have increased? Unfortunately, publicized, ill-mannered behavior has given permission to the masses for inexcusable conduct. We could all use a refresher course on decency.
With Thanksgiving on our heels, here are some basic principles to consider as we work as a nation to rebuild respect and diplomacy within our families, communities, and the world.
“If you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you’ll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view, until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.”
– Atticus Finch in To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee
This first quote and lesson is about having empathy. Atticus Finch was an ultimate model of good character, morality, and reason. He encourages Scout to reach toward fellowship rather than judgement. We can never truly understand what someone else is going through, but if we expand our mind and allow ourselves to have compassion and empathy for one another, the gaps in understanding can decrease.
If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all.
– Thumper, Bambi
Little Thumper learns a lot of good lessons in Disney’s Bambi, but this one is especially meaningful during this time in our nation. This isn’t about suppression of ideas or not speaking one’s truth. This message is about how to communicate with one another. We can disagree with kindness and respect. If all you have to say is mired in negativity and anger, it will be a lot harder for those around you to hear you. If you can communicate with consideration and compassion, conversation is far more likely to flow.
Wishing you all a Thanksgiving filled with gratitude and warmth!